Fight the Good Fight

His lungs screamed for more oxygen with each step, as Elijah ran through the wilderness. Light-headed, Elijah’s mind was bombarded with thought after thought.

“You’re the only prophet left. Nobody even cares about God, so why do you? Might as well end it now, just kill yourself. If you don’t, Jezebel will.”

As he saw a tree come into vision, Elijah wandered over to it, and sat in the shaded relief of it’s branches.

With face in his hands, he pleaded and screamed before God.

“It is enough!” he yelled. “Now, Lord, take my life, for I am no better than my fathers!”

No, the Bible doesn’t give this much explanation as to how Elijah felt in 1 Kings 19, but I imagine it was pretty close. In that chapter, we see the prophet Elijah running for dear life. He had just done a mighty work that proved God is the only true god to Israel, and killed off 450 prophets of Baal. But after Jezebel, queen of Israel, sent him a death threat, Elijah feared for his life.

Elijah was no newcomer to the power and strength of God, but he still allowed for his circumstances (possible death) to be bigger than his God. He had just called fire to fall from Heaven and consume a sacrifice which had been drenched in water. Then he immediately called it to rain in a land that had been in a three-year drought. Both were absolutely powerful works of God. Both were overshadowed by doubt and fear of being killed.

So Elijah did what so many of us do. He ran away—from God, from his assignment. 

But God didn’t run away from him. 

After Elijah ran into the wilderness and begged God to kill him, we see an angel of God feeding him and giving him water. And as Elijah continued to run away (40 days to Mount Sinai), God continued to chase after him, to not forsake him.

In 1 Kings 19:10, God asks Elijah, “What are you doing here?” God knew who Elijah truly was, a mighty prophet, and knew he was not acting like his God-given destiny. Elijah responds with complaining, “I’ve been working my heart out for the God-of-the-Angel-Armies. The people of Israel have abandoned your covenant, blah, blah, blah [blah’s added].” To sum it up, Elijah was saying, “Life is hard God. I’ve done all that you said to do. I’ve been faithful, but things aren’t getting any better. And worst of all, the queen wants my head on a platter.”

I find it funny, and very symbolic, that Elijah in his complaining found himself in the very area Israel wandered for 40 years because of their complaining and fear. Elijah, like the tribe of Israel, had lost sight of who he truly was and the powerful God who walked with him. Perhaps many of us can relate. I know I can.

I lost sight of who I was almost two years ago. I allowed doubt to enter my mind. It started off with the question, “Do I really here the voice of God?” That little crack was all Satan needed to blow the door right open. I started questioning other things and allowing all sorts of stupid stuff to roll around in my head (the battlefield truly is in the mind).

And similar to Elijah, I ran.

I ran from people. I ran from help. But God continued to run after me as I wandered into a desert of my creating. I developed depression and severe anxiety—two things I’d never dealt with before. I had little drive. I could feel my blood pumping through my body as I laid in bed each night, wishing I could just fall asleep. My circumstances were dark, and they clouded my vision as I focused on them.

Then one day, after about two months, the depression and anxiety left as I was driving to work. I remember sitting behind the wheel, and thinking, “I don’t feel anxious anymore. I actually feel good.”

This freedom didn’t happen by anything I did. In fact, I believe it was others praying for me that resulted in the freedom. Reflecting back on it, I’m not proud at all of the way I handled this attack. I didn’t stand strong on my Rock, but rather folded right into fear. But I learned a valuable lesson from my God. While I didn’t stand strong, I never gave up on seeking God. Sometimes I sought Him in frustration and finger pointing (not advised), but He still came through for me in a powerful way.

He is bigger than any circumstance.

I created my own mess, and He still loved me through it and set me free. My circumstances had consumed my thoughts, had become my God, and that viewpoint needed to change. Elijah needed the same mental change.

Fear had become a god to Elijah. Then Elijah found himself at Mount Sinai, where God had given Moses the Ten Commandments. And what is first on that list? Have no other gods before me.

After Elijah was through complaining, God opened his eyes to what was really going on. Not all of Israel had abandoned God. Elijah wasn’t the only one left. There were 7,000 others. Elijah didn’t have the full picture, and sometimes neither do we. Upon realizing just how big God was, Elijah “went straight out” of his desert and got back to being the prophet God called and knew him to be.

Distresses and persecution will come against us, and we might not always handle it in the best way. But it will never be the setbacks or backsliding that define us. Just like a boxer, when we get knocked down, the important thing is that we get back up and continue fighting.

“Fight the good fight of faith.” -1 Timothy 6:12

*Most Bible verses come from the Message